alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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