Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize