it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
