dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
