the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
