i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
