PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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