She said her name was "party"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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