fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
