put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
