I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
