Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
