There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
