I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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