i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
