OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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