Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
