Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
