How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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