Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
