One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
