Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize