Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize