this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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