Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
