woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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