you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
