i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
