i think my tv is drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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