omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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