Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
