I will die if light touches me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
