From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
