Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
