I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize