the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize