; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
North Korea, Best Korea!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
