you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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