so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
