i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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