This is not my ceiling
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
