All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
