I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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