Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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