a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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