you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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