Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
