Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
