I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You work out of a Hotel?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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