she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
