I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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