No more Irish car bombs ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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