Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
