I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
