I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
