Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
