there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
