They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
