Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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