I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Everyone says I win the strip club
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
