Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
