You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The uberlube is also flammable
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
