A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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