I'm really into asian looking animals
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize