i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
