Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
