love makes seman taste better
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize