I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
