Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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