i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Screwed.edu
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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