Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So many bounce houses so little time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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