Soap is not a condiment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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