im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
