she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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