My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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