you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
