from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
