I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize