I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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