I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
