Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
