Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think pants incapable of making pants work
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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