Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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