I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
