ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
