He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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