You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
