Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
