Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize