so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
