He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
