Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
