Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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